June is the summer month of long, light filled days. Festivals, fetes, BBs and beach trips- and yes, weddings! Joy seems to hang in the air like the scent of summer flowers. For many, this time of year feels like the time of connection and celebration.
What if your relationship doesn't feel filled with light? What happens if the light outside doesn't fit with what's going on inside?
The contrast can be hard
When everyone seems to be posting sunny togetherness selfies, it can feel deeply isolating and lonely to be stuck, unseen or distant in your relationship, personal or otherwise.
The summer light can actually illuminate the shadows in our connections. Repetitive, heavy, frustrating and oh so lonely.
Is is time for a check in?
If this resonates with you, consider this an invitation to check in, not with your partner or your connections, but with yourself. It's ok if your relationship doesn't feel like fun. It's ok if things don't feel joyful. It doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is broken - it just might the time to pay attention to you and check in on yourself.
Ask yourself just 3 questions
- Do I feel emotionally safe, heard and respected in this relationship?
- Am I hiding parts of me to keep the peace?
- Am I growing here - or am I shrinking?
Being honest with your answers can be the catalyst for change. Sometimes, in any relationship there will be a quiet season, not broken but buried under the weight of life's twists and turns. Other times, disconnection becomes the norm and something needs to shift. It could be how you communicate, what you prioritise and what you are tolerating.
If it feels too fragile
If you are feeling fragile or vulnerable and unable to navigate this alone, it may be time to seek outside support. Remember light can get in through surprising cracks. Summer isn't just about bubbly fun times, it's also a time for using the light for growth.
So if this June finds you feeling the weight of what's not working, just noticing this can be a powerful beginning. Don't you deserve the feeling of belonging and real connection?
The light is here so why not let it help you see where you are and whether you want to stay here or, if not where you want to be next?
Your next step
Write down what you know, not what you hope to be true. This can separate out the difference between how you feel and what actually happened. It can be a powerful link to a situation, especially if you feel that your concerns aren't valid. It can also act as a checkpoint for those emotions which may be running unnecessary high.
Seek help from a professional. I ask my clients some deeper questions which prompt resourceful thinking. This is to about the other person in a relationship, this is about you!
- What have I said yes to when I mean no?
- Is this relationship aligned with my values and beliefs?
- What am I tolerating in this relationship that I wouldn't want for a good friend?
- When do I feel most comfortably me in this relationship and when do I feel least like myself?
- If nothing changes, how will I feel one year on from now?
Try reading "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.