The youngest daughter called in a fury to tell me about her awful coffee experience. She had, she said " had the worst coffee ever, " no seriously, ever!" Half listening, I asked what could be so bad as to need her to download this onto me. She said it had been so bad that she was still fuming over an hour later. It had pretty much ruined her whole day, she said.
She had visited an upmarket coffee shop in Bournemouth as she was sure to get a great coffee there rather than at one of the coffee chains. She had idly listened to the steam hissing and watched expectantly as her cappuccino was prepared before duly handing over her £2.60.
Then, horror of horrors the server had wiped the excess froth from the rim of the overfilled cup with her, and I quote "filthy warty fingers". Following this up with a smile and the obligatory "enjoy" as she had proceeded to slide the tainted beverage across the counter towards the youngest daughter.
Trying not too hard to muffle my laughter, I asked the youngest daughter what she had done about it. She seemed genuinely surprised that I'd asked her. She said that obviously she'd just left the drink turned away and left the shop empty handed. This was her way of dealing with the situation but was completely at odds with her usually forthright communication skills
She didn't want to offend the server who seemingly was quite oblivious to the repugnant nature of this addition to her barista skills. Youngest daughter said that she just couldn't say anything as it would have caused a problem so had walked away £2.60 lighter and no nearer to having a coffee.
Despite laughing at her tale of woe, I got thinking about how this inability to say what we really think can affect our mood balance for a disproportionate amount of time. We tell ourselves that it's not worth saying anything as we don't want to cause upset. The problem here is that these things don't just go away. We feel angry at ourselves for not tackling the situation and this in turn can impact on our mood.
If being sold a rubbish cappuccino leaves us feeling angry for the rest of the day, how are we to deal with the big stuff?
Communicating with someone who is very sick or dying puts incredible strain onto us as we try to balance everything unpleasant they have said or done with their current fragility. Even more poignant is the baggage we struggle to deal with after a loved one has passed away. We feel helpless to say anything and in extreme cases such as mine with my late husband we try to exonerate any bad behaviour totally. We elevate them up to a place of protected status and we become shock absorbers for any unpleasant words or actions.
We tell ourselves that we shouldn't think badly of them and just try to accept things the way they are. We justify their harsh words as we try to bury our feelings of hurt and frustration. We feel guilty when we want to retaliate, and boy can this guilt weigh us down?
The hurt doesn't go away though it merely filters down into our subconscious mind and festers away. We try to move on and we try to forgive but it's there bubbling away under the surface waiting to pounce. How are we supposed to deal with this and how can we vent our deepest feelings without fear of guilt or reprisal?
Relaxation hypnosis allows us to go safely down into that private place accessed only by us. We can totally relax in a comfortable environment and be free to voice our frustrations and to say once and for all what we really think. Our subconscious mind knows just where we mentally need to go and what we need to say and do to start healing our feelings. We can finally be free to let go of guilt, resentment or regret.
We just sit back and drift into a warm deeply relaxed state as the hypnotherapist guides us to our own space. A similar feeling to being hypnotised is that lovely moment between sleep and awakening when we hear things around us but feel just too relaxed to move. My clients tell me that they thoroughly enjoy the relaxation hypnosis experience as I help them to relax and find their innermost private place. Once we are in that deeply private place we are free to say whatever we need to say about ourselves and our loved one and to tie up any loose ends. We can holler and shout if we wish or simply sit in silence.
Breathing out our anxiety and breathing during relaxation hypnosis promotes calmness and peace is surely an experience we all should enjoy? Leaving us free to go and get that cup of coffee……